The greatest thing I learned from 10 weeks “single” parenting?

Before Nick went away, I knew it would be hard, but I truly had no idea what to really expect, much less how to prepare.

I learned a lot of things. A lot about people, a lot about kids, a lot about myself and surely my need for Christ. I won’t go into the excruciating details of all the drama that happened, though I pray I NEVER forget because I value all that it’s taught me and how it’s made my heart bitter - then better.

I’ve developed a HUGE respect, concern and love for single moms. This is heightened by a pandemic, worse if they have multiple kids. I don’t know how they perpetually do this, without some light at the end of the tunnel. Parenting with a spouse is completely different from doing it by yourself. It’s something I now know I have to be mindful of when interacting with single moms. I ought now to be sensitive about what I say, where it comes to parenting, less I’m hurtful or unkind. I can’t just assume that methods/advice on sleep training, disciplining, [heck] even feeding will be the same or applicable. Check on single moms, not once, but ever so often. Offer help whenever you can, ever so often. Being specific in offering help may be wise eg. offer to bring food, offer to watch the kids while they go out to run or errands, or just do nothing but sit in quiet.

The kids. Sigh. It hurts my heart so badly to see how my daughters miss their dad. Watching my 2 year old try to express how she missed her dad brought me to numerous breakdowns. In the few weeks I witnessed her have weird tantrums, her sleeping at nights went wonky, disciplining her became strangely difficult, she became unusually afraid and insecure. Kids need their dad - yup, I said it. There’s a specially kind of security, confidence, reassurance, stability and love that a father gives, that I’m simply unable to provide no matter how much I try. So what about those families where the dad just cannot be there? Like what if the dad is unfortunately deceased? Well, I can’t say definitely what will work for all... but I noted significant improvement in the things mentioned above when I moved in with my family. Somehow it helped bring back some stability. It really takes a village to help these kids feel loved and stable.

I must say though, not having Nick did have it’s upside. I truly feel like one heck of a superwoman. Though bedtime was the absolute, most crazy time of day. I’ve somehow mastered the skill of feeding these two girls dinner, bathing them, and putting them to sleep, all simultaneously. After which I’ll feel quite accomplished, and at the same time useless having no idea what to do with myself.

I’ve learned skills I’ve always wanted to have. You see, I sought help from men for various little things around the house. However, upon realizing I was a petite girl with two babies and desperate for help, they took advantage of the situation and assumed I would spend double the money to get these tasks done 😡. Utterly disgusting. Anyhoo... my father and dear friend reminded me how I was capable of more than I told myself. So, I learned to change light fixtures, how to finally use a drill, heck I painted a whole wall mural- there’s no stopping me now 😌💪🏾.

There were moments I felt awfully alone, fother times dreadfully terrified and helpless. So many times I wanted to call on persons even just for company. There were times I would find myself slipping into depression, other moments I thought I was losing my mind. But looking back now, I’m grateful for those moments. Grateful because in those low moments, it made me seek something Greater. Instead of just getting some ease or comfort, I found true Peace, even Joy. In those desperate times I had to deliberate about what I chose to look at and listen to. I came off social media that was filled with depressing news and the best (maybe fake) short moments of people’s lives, and chowed down some spiritual (Truth) food. And I’m not just talking feel-good Christian music, but that Shane & Shane that would have real scripture spewing into my life’. And then instead of picking a random devotion, I had to draw for Desiring God. Miss me with that prosperity gospel 😒, give me that truth on God’s Providence and remind how I can endure suffering and find peace and hope.

Now Nick returns home and the day before I’m ecstatic. Excited that I’ll have a companion, someone to share the burden of parenting - finally, the light at the end of the tunnel. While I’m counting down the hours God asks me...

“Do you think you’ll be happy and all your problems solved now that he’s back?”

To be honest, I was kind of disappointed, because I knew this “happiness” wouldn’t last. There’ll be times Nick would let me down and will come short, then it’s only a matter of time before Nick had to go again. Truth is, the only way I’ll find true peace is His presence. In spending time in His Word, in worship, in fellowship with other believers. It takes time, some effort, and the will, but it’s really worth it. We need something to live for. This sounds so very cliche, but I was forced to realize just how much I can’t do this life without Christ. The greatest thing I’ve learned is that no matter how much I love and rely on Nick, I need Christ far more, He really is my ONLY hope, my source of peace and everlasting joy.

You know where to find yours. Sincerely Sher, love and light ✌🏾.